I will be the first to say that my 14 year marriage did not end up so well. I still remember the day my husband took a traveling job and asked me to give up God…give up on my church, give up my marriage counseling with the Pastor of my church, everything. I knew when he asked that it was the tell-tale signs that he was not coming back unless I did.
After having to cope being dragged all over the United States of America and moving around a lot, he wanted us to move again across the states, leaving everything behind, like we had done 32 other times in 14 years. Let’s just say I can pack a U-haul better than anyone else you know.
My Faith is Real
And because my faith is real, I never even questioned it. I clearly stated– “NO, I WILL NOT GIVE UP GOD FOR YOU OR ANYONE ELSE.” I blurted this out way faster and stronger than I had imagined it could be. With a smug look on his face, our video chat was ended quickly. That was one of the last times I ever saw him again. He disappeared 16 hours away (I think, not sure of his true location) and it’s rare the kids or I hear from him.
Never Thought I’d Get Divorced
You know, it’s funny the way life turns out. I always thought I would be the one who DIDN’T get divorced. I did everything right. All according to good morals, but I wasn’t saved when I married, and neither was he, and so after I gave my life to God, he turned on me for the worst. Oh yes, there was pleasant speech in passing by. But, the soul, the spirit inside of both of us is just very different, and it rubs the wrong way, like nails on a chalkboard.
Sometimes I Felt Like a Pawn
Although God had given me a love for him, it could never be reciprocated. I was merely a pawn in the way of what he wanted most often.
Do you feel like that? Do you feel like just a pawn in the schemes of your spouse? I know that if you are reading this, this all must resonate with you. Perhaps you feel unhappy and trapped in a loveless marriage as well. The Bible says that divorce is sin (outside of the two Biblical reasons in which case, I had both).
Maybe your husband hasn’t committed adultery or abandoned your family, and you’re simply stuck. If there is physical abuse or something of that manner, there is definitely protection for you in such cases and you should not allow someone to physically harm you or your children in an abusive way.
In Most Cases, God Calls Us to Remain Married
In these cases where there is not physical cheating or abandonment, God calls us to remain married. When we are not in physical harm, it’s more of an annoyance and pain than anything else, but we are called to cry out to the Lord. The Bible says that He won’t put more on us than we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Sometimes I feel like He thinks I am WAAAAY stronger than I am! And the Bible is clear that if it’s too much, there will be a way of escape. My pain lasted 4 years, and the way of escape was finally a divorce, however, I pray for you it’s not the same.
My Heart Aches for You
My heart goes out to you, dear friend, because I feel the pain so strongly. I know what’s it’s like to not feel the love from a spouse, to be treated like dirt, or even worse; to be ignored altogether. It stinks! Yet, God calls us to remain faithful. Does that make Him a bad God? No way! I tell you this, dear one–
God Has Taught Me So Much
I learned more about God in those four years than I EVER have in my entire life up to this point that I’m writing this.
Why? Because I was in daily communication with God (mostly crying), but calling out to Him to save me from this awful place. As time went on, and my prayers were not answered in the way I wanted them to be, I learned how to get my attention from the Bible. I learned how to be in such a deep relationship with Christ, that I could handle my loveless marriage and to be in tune with God. I learned how to be so engulfed in God, that I stopped focusing on my husband, and started focusing on how I could be a better wife-not for my husband, no…for God. My top goal was to do everything unto the Lord (1 Corinthians 10:31).
If I would clean and he’d purposely come home and make a mess out of spite, I remembered, I was cleaning unto the Lord. God knew my heart and He knew what I was doing was right- He knew it all.
God Remained Faithful
But I also learned how to be less and less provoked each day. You see, as it were, some non-Christians just LOVE to provoke Christians. Maybe it’s to test our faith, maybe it’s to make us sin and know we are just as ‘bad’ as they are, I am not really sure. Whatever the case may be, my husband would push my buttons purposely and boy did he know how.
Little by little, over time, I learned how to let things roll off my back. I learned how to let things slide and just not let his words or actions get my goat. Was I perfect? Uhmm, NO! However, am I a better, stronger woman of faith, after having gone through that Hellish four years? ABSOLUTELY!
👉 Listen, my friend, there is no quick and easy way to grow spiritually.
We can’t grow spiritually without getting in the muck and the mire of things. We can’t be the women of God that HE wants us to be WITHOUT trials. You can try, go ahead, but pretty soon you’ll discover a LOVE for the trial (not the sin or the trial itself, mind you) but for what it accomplishes.
It’s like the refining of a jewel. 💎
When found in dirt, it’s in its rawest state, and it’s very dirty. So, you have to wash it. But, that’s not enough. Oh, that I wish it were! You have to put it in the fire to sort of melt off all those impurities.
The fire is what makes you a better Christian. Those fires are what makes you pleasing to the Lord. So, is God mean for letting you deal with hard issues and relationship struggles? No, it’s actually His kindness. 💯
You see, God loves you SO much, that He’s willing to do all the work (you still have to do your part), but HE’S the goldsmith. He’s working hard to provide the best fires to get you sparkling clean and free of impurities. He loves you THAT much.
I know it’s a lot to swallow in one day, so just come to this post daily and be reminded how much God loves you.
You can get through this with God on your side, I promise.
