These stunningly gorgeous peony’s are from my garden. 😊 I just walked outside one day and snapped a picture of them.
Everything seemed so perfect. The sun was out, making a white-ish background. The picture came out perfect and I was so excited to see them.
The next day I went out to take more pictures, knowing they wouldn’t last forever looking like that, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t get a good shot. I tried everything.
“Maybe it’s the time of day,” I told myself, so the following day, I went out THIS time at the same hour that I had the first shot, to try to mimic it and get more pictures.
It wouldn’t work.
Have you ever wanted something so bad and you keep trying, day after day to get it right and it just doesn’t work out?
No matter what you do or how hard you try, the success of getting it just seems to allude you.
You don’t know what you’re doing wrong or how to fix it, so you feel stuck. Like you’ll never get it right.
Those flowers made me think of the Christian experience.
Sometimes everything seems all perfect and awesome, we’re on top of the world, but the next day, we’re cradling ourselves, crying out to God wondering how we’re ever gonna get through all this mess. It seems hopeless, impossible.
It’s in those messy times, when your hope is failing and you feel like it’ll never work that it’s important to remember six key things…
1) Remember where you came from
While I do well now and literally live my dream life being God’s mouthpiece to the world, I grew up in extreme poverty in a single parent home with no siblings. I was physically abused by my mom until after I turned 18. I then married a man who would end up being abusive to me in every possible way as well.
I came from a life of abuse and poverty…up until a few years ago when my ex-husband left and later on, when my mom passed away.
Today, I am completely rid of manipulation, lies, and abuse and I couldn’t be happier! 🎉
Remembering where I came from is important in order for me to FEEL okay. Like I’m doing well. Look how far I’ve come. Look at all I’ve made it through. I’ve done well. God has been so good to me.
My past doesn’t define me.
Poverty doesn’t define me.
Abuse doesn’t define me.
GOD alone defines me.
HE says I’m worth something. HE says I’m special. HE loves me, though others never did.
Maybe your family abuses you. Maybe they don’t respect you. Maybe they treat you like dirt. Maybe…you should stop hanging out with them. 💯
My son was physically abusing me, leaving bruises on me. I kicked him out of my home. My daughter was abusing me. I kicked her out as well. My ex-husband left me homeless. Through the grace of God I made it through all that and am finally free of him.
But it’s not just your family that you live with that can be abusive; it could be external family as well. Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, parents.
The Bible calls us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12), but nowhere in the Bible does it say for us to allow them to continually treat us like trash.
Honor them, yes. Let them abuse you, no. You have to get away from all that. You need to make a new life for yourself in Jesus, holding onto Him every minute of every day, freeing yourself from their constant sin.
You’ve tried so hard to be a good witness to them, to let God’s light shine through you to them, but year after year, they consistently continue to abuse you, treat you bad, and make fun of you.
God never asks you to endure that. 💯
If He wants to bring them salvation, He can do it through any means necessary and you shouldn’t have to endure the pain of trying to help them when they are unrepentant, don’t listen, and don’t care. Stop throwing your pearls to swine (Matthew 7:6).
They don’t respect you and that’s okay, that’s their life, but you deserve better and you DON’T have to put up with it! God isn’t asking you to sacrifice for Him in this way. You need to get away from them. What they’re doing to you is not okay. Cling to Jesus instead!! ❤️
Don’t use your past as a crutch or let others constantly drag you there. Remember where you came from, but move on.
2) Value what you have
As a husband, you oftentimes feel so unvalued and unloved.
Your wife throws the kids at you the second you walk through the door, not letting you rest or even catch your breath. And I get it, they’re tired and chasing kids all day, they need a break too, but that’s motherhood. 💯
That’s what moms sign up for when they have kids. That is OUR responsibility to raise the children, NOT the husband’s. He has his OWN burdens to carry, like paying all the bills.
Yes, the husband should help every now and then with the kids because he loves his wife (and family) and wants to take care of her, treating her as the weaker vessel, but the majority of child-rearing is the woman’s job.
Yet, when she cares more about her own feelings more than yours and what YOU’VE dealt with all day, it’s selfish and makes you feel like she doesn’t value you or love you. Like she doesn’t care about you, what YOU’RE struggling with. It’s just all about her. You end up feeling like you don’t have a purpose because YOUR needs are not being met.
She doesn’t value you. She’s not putting YOU first, above herself (Philippians 2:3). She’s sinning.
She’s not valuing what she has. She’s not thinking about all you’ve endured during the day. How stressful and painful it is to make money and take care of a whole family. All the burdens that you carry each and every day without complaint.
She starts to take you and what you do for her for granted. It becomes expected instead of being thankful for all that you do as a man for your family.
And most wives are like this.
Over time, they start to take their husband’s for granted. The husband gets fed up and leaves. And you have rampant divorce in our country. Many cases of which are rooted in taking him for granted.
We ALL need to value what we DO have in our lives.
I tell you the truth plainly…playing both roles of mom AND dad, running a house, raising children, paying all the bills, making all the money, taking care of all the manly household duties (fixing things, lawn care, killing spiders, etc.), it’s rough.
Yet so many women errantly think they do all the work and the husband does nothing.
They sit there and get together with other ladies and just complain about their husbands and it’s disgusting. To the point where I refuse to have women friends anymore because they all do that constantly (the ones I have known) and I got so sick of hearing it.
When I tried to gently tell them that they may be biased in how they see things, they dismiss what I have to say and just WANT to sit there and complain. It’s not pleasing to your husband as it can get back to him (Ecclesiastes 10:20 in context) nor is it pleasing to God and it is NOT okay.
You are called to respect him, to love him, to treasure him, to make HIS life easier.
WE were made for man, he was NOT made for us!!! 💯 Keep that in mind.
Appreciate all that you have. Even if the only thing your husband does IS pay the bills, I assure you, as a single woman who runs the whole show, that’s enough! Just him taking care of the finances alone is back-breaking, burdensome, gut-wrenching, hard work.
Appreciate each other. Appreciate all that the Lord has given to you. All the things you have in your life. Your family, a roof over your head, a closet full of clothing. Value what you have, every bit of it. Value every single detail. Thank God for all you have constantly.
Choosing to focus on the good things in our lives really makes a difference more than you can realize (Philippians 4:8).
3) Seek out opportunity
What CAN you change in your life to become more happy? What does God want you to do more of in your life for His kingdom (Matthew 6:33)?
There are so many things that you CAN’T change, but there are many that you CAN!
Focus on some things that you can change in your life to help you and your family. To stretch your comfort zone so you can grow as a believer.
Blooming doesn’t happen overnight and it’s best bred in trying times.
A person grows more when they’re stretched.
Although uncomfortable at the time, and never something we choose, we do grow more when we are broken than when everything is going well. As hard as it is to hear this, don’t fight the broken times. Accept them as teaching points from God and know that you will grow and learn from it.
4) Cultivate strong relationships
The biggest and most important relationship you MUST cultivate in your Christian walk is the relationship between you and Christ.
Are you spending time with Him daily?
Do you read His Word, seeking for how it can wash over you and cleanse your every deed, lining your life and heart up to His or do you just pray a lot asking Him questions and to help you get through the particular situation you’re facing right now?
Spending time with Him, drinking Living Water, learning from Him is all absolutely VITAL to your walk and desire to keep your heart clean and pure. His Word washes your heart and the more you read it and submerse yourself into it, the more pure you become! 🎉
In the same way, you need people in your life that are like you, who will hold you up, talk through things with you, keep you accountable to be a godly Christian.
If you’re a Pastor, an elder, or a ministry leader, then your closest friends will be your spouse, other elders in your church, other Pastors, and ministry leaders. If you’re a part of the congregation, your friends would be your spouse, ministry leaders, those whom you’re learning from, and other people in your life who point you to Christ each and every time you talk.
You need someone you can talk to and really share your life with, get advice from and give advice to.
You need strong relationships that you can count on to be there when you need them and you need to be there for them when they need you.
Life sure stinks without strong relationships and if you don’t have them now, you need to surround yourself by godly people. It’s lonely and isolated when you’re by yourself and that’s not God’s intention for His people. He created us to be a community, a kingdom of priests (Exodus 19:6, 1 Peter 2:9), all working together for His great and powerful glory.
Close, in-depth relationships are something that we ALL need and something we all should consistently cultivate. Just be sure you’re cultivating the RIGHT relationships (1 Corinthians 15:33)!!!
5) Practice gratitude
It’s not always easy to practice gratitude, especially in those tough times.
When it was something I was struggling with, I created for myself (and my kids) a great product in my shop.
It really helped me to see things in a new light and how there’s more to be grateful about than you originally thought.
You can grab your copy of my Gratitude Binder here. To date, this one binder has helped (and been downloaded) over 3,250 times! People absolutely LOVE it!!!
6) Stay determined
You alone control your life (outside of the sovereignty of God, of course). Your family, your friends, your kids, your parents, no one else can make your dreams come true FOR you or give you the life you want. They are not responsible for YOUR happiness. YOU are!!!
As a person who’s come from abuse, poverty, homelessness, and a myriad of other things to now living the life she dreams through the grace of God, I know that you can do it too. I know you can achieve what you want to achieve and be genuinely happy IF you’re willing to stay the course and work hard for it consistently, throwing off all encumbrances (Hebrews 12:1) and obeying God with your whole heart.
Because the truth is, that when we settle into the place God has created for us to be, whatever work that is, we become happy.
When God first called me to be like Moses, to shepherd a nation of people, honestly and truthfully, I ran from His calling. 😮
“It is too much for me. I’m shy. I’m an introvert. I’m not qualified. I can’t do this,” I told Him, “You have the wrong person. I’m just some girl no one loved. I can’t speak.”
I didn’t want all the responsibility (Matthew 18:6) of being a ministry leader. I was scared to death, to say the least.
So I fought His precious will. I ran, I sabotaged it, I did everything in my power to make it NOT happen.
Yet, here I am…doing exactly what He wanted me to do and you know what, I’m happy!! 🥰
I’m the most happy I’ve ever been. God knew. He knew exactly what it would take to make me happy and when I got past all my fears, doubts, and self-sabotage, and really started accepting His will for my life and doing it day by day, I’ve never been more happy than I am now and that’s the truth.
He has GOOD plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11). Plans that will make us happy, content, and lead to freedom.
I feel SO free. Free of burdens, free of the weight of not following Him, free to be myself because this is what He’s called me to be.
I’m content. It FEELS right. It feels like I’m home, doing exactly what He wants me to.
There’s no better place in this world to be than in the center of what God wills for you! 💯🙏😍
If you’re not ready to obey the second He calls you to do something BIG, it’s okay. But get there. Stay determined, stay the course, work hard toward obeying Him and doing what He wants you to do. You’ll thank yourself later for it, I promise!!!
