The great tragedy in our society today is that everyone is so “ME” focused and that filters into our marriages.
Most Pastors always tell you how the woman should submit to her husband and we get that. The great Pastors tell you how the husband should love his wife, but it’s left there. No further information is given.
The problem with that is that the idea of biblical submission is only half taught from pulpits and men are left feeling pompous and arrogant, better than women, and women are left feeling like they have to become a doormat or sin against our Creator.
Both ideas are wrong!
Yes, the wife should submit to her husband if he’s not asking her to sin, out of a willing heart, knowing that God first made man, in His own image and then woman to help and please our husband. But God ALSO requires the husband to love his wife. It’s in that word LOVE, that the husband ALSO submits to his wife!!! 💯
See, in a marriage, submission is not a one-way street. BOTH husband and wife should submit to each other.
Do any study you want on God’s love and you easily come across the verse calling Christians to love one another. John 13:34-35 is one of the places you’ll see that. Matthew 22:39 is another. It talks about loving our neighbors as ourselves. Surely a man’s wife is more important to him, as it should be, than his neighbor. So therefore, he should love her more than himself.
And if a man is loving himself, he will love his wife. Doing a study on 1 Corinthians 8:13 will also help you understand the love we should have toward others, submitting to our brothers and not taking liberties that we could take because it may offend them or make them stumble. A part of love is submission. It’s about doing what’s best for the other person.
Another great place to study out is Ephesians 5, but not the verses you’re thinking. Go above those verses you’re thinking about and begin with verse 1. Ephesians 5:1-21 talks about how to walk in love on a daily basis, as a pattern of our lives with our Christian brothers and sisters. It ends the section in verse 21 saying to submit to each other out of love and reverence for Christ.
If those verses apply to your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, how much more to your wife?! For your spouse is the most important human relationship on earth.
Think about Jesus on the cross. He submitted His will to the will of the Father (John 5:30, John 6:38, Philippians 2:8). Even Jesus Himself submitted to God. Submission is a part of genuine LOVE.
This means tenderly caring for your wife, genuinely listening to her, providing for her, taking care of her. If a man feeds his own body, he should feed his wife’s also. If he loves his own body and takes care of it (brushing his teeth, dressing it, etc.), he should also care about his wife in that way, making sure she has nice, presentable clothes to wear, just as he would himself.
He doesn’t fight with himself, get angry at himself, treat himself badly and neither should he be to his wife.
Men are called to love, honor, and to submit to their wives also. In perfect harmony, the couple bends toward each other, caring for one another, seeking the best for the other.
Submission goes both ways.
👉 Ultimately the husband has the final say of course, but only below God. God is the #1 person in the relationship and both people must not only submit to each other, out of love and concern for one another, but also submit to God and His perfect will.
Most men, due to a lack of training in our churches today and a lack of spiritual inspiration through the written word of God (men not taking the time to study the written word of God), do not know that, as is common, but no matter how you slice the bread, both you AND your husband need to bend toward one another, compromise, and work TOGETHER to accomplish God’s will and purposes in your life.
With that said, there are times when you cannot bend and we can understand that. What do you do, for example, if your husband is wanting you (or trying to force you) to participate in sexual acts you’re not comfortable with? What then? Here’s a great post on that, by the way. 😊
What if he wants you to do something else, like sin? What if what he wants you to do is NOT sin, but you just can’t bring yourself to doing it? First, you want to determine if it’s sin or not…
Is he asking you to sin?
If your husband (or ANYone), is asking you to sin, you must NOT do it. Point blank.
Therefore, you must know your Bible, inside and out, in order to know what’s sin or not sin, correct? So we should be spending as much of our day as humanly possible, knee-deep in the pages of Scriptures.
This is something I do every single day. I’m CONSTANTLY, all day long, in the Word of God. Praying, seeking His wisdom and guidance, learning about Him, studying Him, watching Him. I love learning about my God and having that holy relationship with Him.
Being in the Scripture, and in turn, walking in the Spirit is so necessary for a proper foundation in a marriage. Because our Christian lives, our walk with God, affects our relationships!
Do you realize that how you treat God is how you treat other people? 😮 When I first learned that concept I didn’t believe it…until I started to take notice.
When I was mad at God, I was pushing everyone else around me away, mad at them too, FOR NO REASON! When I’m happy with God, I’m happy with others and our relationship with God is a direct correlation with our relationship with others.
Think about it, a wife is completely bitter at her husband. She’s really, in essence, bitter at God. She’s not seeking God, loving God, happy with God (not on the inside, although she may pretend on the outside she is). On the inside, that bitterness spills over in her relationship with the Lord.
Do you know your Bible well enough to know if your husband is asking you to sin? Are you asking your husband to sin?
You need to determine this, because that’s the first answer: never submit to someone asking you to sin, period. My ex-husband asked me to give up God or he’d leave. I let him leave. I wasn’t going to sin and give up my God and I’ve been single for many years because of it. It’s been rough being alone that long, caring for a family, handling it all, carrying everything on my own (I don’t have parents to help me), but I don’t regret that decision for one moment.
Why? Because I stand here to tell you I didn’t sin. I chose God and you should too. 😊
It’s not sin
If it’s sin, you have your answer, but what if your conflict is not about sin? It has nothing to do with sin, then what?
If you are…
- Walking with the Lord, walking in the Spirit
- Bending toward your husband as a pattern of your life
- Right with God, not mad at Him, angry with Him, but in a right relationship with your Maker
- Have taken all preventative measures you possibly can
Then…go to the Lord.
Listen, in your marriage, your #1 POWER is prayer!!!!!!!!
If someone is inflicting harm upon you, who do you run to? It SHOULD BE the Lord. Because ultimately the Lord has the power to destroy even the gates of Hell! His power is unmatchable. You are His child. He loves you. Go to the Lord.
Let GOD judge between you and your husband. Let HIM decide who’s right and who’s wrong. Completely give it all over to the Lord. Cast your burdens upon the Lord (Psalm 55:22). Give everything to Him. Tell Him that you want to do what is right, that you care about your spouse, but you just can’t see eye to eye on this.
Ask God to help you see it from your husband’s perspective. Ask God to melt your husband’s heart so that he can likewise, see the situation from YOUR perspective, even if it’s just to understand you more. Ask God to grant you both PEACE in the marriage and in the situation.
Take your requests, your petition to the Lord. God is a fair judge, He sees it from BOTH perspectives perfectly. He knows who’s right and who’s wrong and sometimes, no one is right or no one is wrong. Both can be right in a situation sometimes, but it’s how we deal with it that matters.
We can let bitterness take root into our hearts and fight for our own agendas, but this is not the way of God. This is selfish and denying Christ.
Let God judge you both. Ask God to show you the situation from not only your husband’s point of view, but also from God’s. Once you can clearly see from all three angles (yours, God’s, and your husband’s), you can make a much better decision about things. 😊
And then finally, what do you do AFTER you leave it all in God’s hands?
Wait for an answer.
Watch how God takes care of the situation.
Watch what He does, how He works. Maybe He melts your heart and you do as the Lord pleases and what your husband wants, or maybe your husband’s heart bends and he does what you want.
There will be a mix of both scenarios along your journey. Sometimes, you will get your way, sometimes your husband will get his way. That’s a marriage. But whatever God wants you to do, do it. Don’t give it to Him and then not like the answer He gives and take it back, becoming bitter and ruining your whole relationship with your husband (and God).
Let God decide. Let God tell your husband that you’re right when you’re right. Don’t go to your husband and say, “Nah nah nah nah nah, I’m right, you’re wrong.”
Let GOD be the One to tell your husband he’s wrong. You just step back from the situation and pray your guts out and when you have an answer, submit to the fair Judge who sees all, knows all, and loves you both so SO very much, whatever His answer should be!!! ❤️
