The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
~Proverbs 31: 11-12
Okay, confession time.
For the past couple of years before my husband left, he could fully say I lived up to those words. That he trusted me in all areas of life. That I did him good and not evil. That whatever he put me in charge of, I did it well, and that I looked out for the good of the family, not my own selfish needs, as a pattern of my life. But it wasn’t always so…
You see before coming to Christ, I spent money very selfishly, for my own pleasure. I was addicted to shopping. It gave me some sort of high. It made me feel happy, it filled a hole in my heart that my husband refused to. I had a major problem. The problem wasn’t money or not having enough of it. The problem wasn’t shopping, or the ads on T.V. The problem was ME. You see, it doesn’t matter what’s going on around us, what life throws at us, it’s us. We are the problem.
I had lost all trust with my husband. Since I was a SAHM, I relied on my husband to pay for things. I asked him when I wanted something, and it became more like a jail than anything else for me. Always asking the man in charge if I could get what I wanted. Often times, he used this to his advantage. To make deals and get what HE wanted. It was a sick and twisted game really, and we both participated, sadly, out of selfishness.
One day, tired of asking him for what I wanted, I started selling things to make my own money. Money that I could call my own. Where I wouldn’t have to ask for permission to use the funds. That idea sparked into a whole new life for us…and it actually became a very GOOD thing; but not for the reason you think.
You see, once I started earning the money myself, I started to realize how I’d forgotten how hard it was to EARN the money. How lackadaisical I had gotten in our marriage, taking for granted the money that he so tirelessly earned. In that way, and only that way, he was a good husband, but he went too far. He worked hard, he was driven by money, and so he worked himself to health issues in the pursuit of money. He became obsessed with working and going after that piece of paper with green ink on it.
When I realized how hard it really was earning money, I started respecting my time and his time more. I started to not spend as much. Was this clothing item that will sit in the back of my closet and probably never be worn, REALLY worth all the time it took to earn the money? And since I didn’t have much of my own playing money, I wanted to hold on to it. I became very good at selling, making money, and stocking away. Over time, I started using the money to help my family. I would buy all of the couponing supplies, household supplies, things like that. Things that he’d say no if it wasn’t my money, like when I wanted to stock up on a years’ worth of laundry soap because it was on a killer sale. I knew it would help our family, but I knew he’d say no.
Then, I started using the money to buy things that I could sell and make a profit, and I got REALLY GOOD at that. So good, in fact, that I was making pretty good money. I felt fulfilled because I could buy what I wanted on sale, cheap, and then sell it. I still got my fix, and I helped our family.
Little by little, year by year, God would teach me how to save money too. How to spend wisely. How to earn income. How to work hard. How to help my family. How to relieve some financial burden off of him, until the point in my marriage where my husband could fully 100% trust me.
I remember being at Target. They were having their usual Christmas in July sale, and I saw a ton of things that I could easily sell and make good money on. There was a good $500 that I wanted to purchase. I know, crazy, right? I asked him if I could purchase it all out of my own money. Yes, I did have that much set aside and more. In fact, I never wanted to get below $500 because I knew for the really GOOD sales, I needed that much and didn’t ever want to miss out.
I asked him if it was okay and he shrugged his shoulders and said, “yeah.” I felt his forehead and said, “Are you sick? Did you hear, I said $500!?!?!?!” He said, “yeah.” I asked why he would let me spend that much. Was he really SURE? He said, “If you think that you can make that money back and more, then I think you should. I trust you.”
It was right then and there, I swear I wanted to cry. Right in the middle of the store. He trusted me. He honestly trusted me. I borrowed some of the money in checking until I could move some funds over. He had no problem with any of it. He even helped me carry 2 Target carts FULL of merchandise out of the store and the total came to be a good $600. By the way, just in case you’re wondering, I totally made a killing on all that, and tripled my money easy.
It was the best feeling in the world. One that I will never forget.
That feeling out-does any shopping to fill the void any day of the week. Knowing that I stood before almighty God, a godly wife. One that her husband trusts her. One that does him good and not harm. Oh, what a feeling that is.
Listen, I have to be honest, because I see it so much in other marriages. If your husband is always saying no, you can’t have this or that and you are frustrated by it, I encourage you, no, I implore you, to take a look at your heart. Search your heart, ask your husband, “Do you trust me?” If you know you’re not spending money wisely, if you know that you could improve in your spending habits, or if your husband is just always saying no, it might be because you have the same problem I did. You just might not be spending wisely. You may be spending on emotions like I was. Please, I beg of you to change that in yourself. Your marriage will be 100 times better if you do! YOU will be 100 times better if you do.
For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:14
Homework:
Until next week, examine your heart before the Lord. Ask Him to reveal to you any blind spots regarding your spending of money. Likewise, ask your husband if he sees any room for improvement in your money spending habits, pray about it, and commit to your husband and God that you will do better. Ask your husband to keep your accountable, ask God to empower and help you achieve these new goals. It will not happen overnight, but it CAN happen.
Study Questions:
1) Where is the parable of the talents found? Read the parable through. Why would that parable relate to this article? How does that parable relate to you? Which man are you most like, in that story?
2) Give three reasons why it is important to have your husband safely trust you in ALL areas of your life?
3) What one goal can you make to improve your spending habits today?
