This is a really tough question to answer. The one thing that I want you to see is that it’s so GREAT you WANT to respect your husband.
While it’s subtle, and you may not even see it, it’s super honorable that you want to respect your husband in the first place. There are many people who just don’t know they are supposed to respect their husbands or worse, they don’t want to.
This question being posed, shows that you have a heart for God and that you WANT TO respect and honor your husband and I feel like that’s a major plus. I’m so proud that you want to do that! Great job!!!
How Can I Respect My Husband When He Does Such Awful Things?
The Bible DOES call us to respect our spouses, and with men, it’s a massive NEED for them. Men would rather be respected than loved, whereas women would rather be loved than respected.
So respect is a huge key to a man in your relationship.
With that said, it’s not always easy to respect your husband. I lived with my ex-husband and we were married a total of 14 years. He was not a good father, he was an even worse husband. He worked all the time (overworking himself to get away from his family) and he did a lot of bad things. Sinful things. He wasn’t Christian.
Getting a non-Christian to be honorable is tough. They don’t play by the rules like Christians want to (Christians have a desire to obey the Lord).
Many non-Christians don’t want to be good people. Many do. But many don’t. They don’t have that heart for Christ, wanting to be a good son or daughter TO God, and we can’t force others to love God like we do.
It doesn’t work like that. Everyone has to choose for themselves whether they want to love God or not.
Then, on top of all that, you have a lot of Christians who think they are Christian but they are not. I fell into that category before my genuine conversion (after I got out of the homeless shelter).
I BELIEVED I was saved. I BELIEVED if I died, I would go to Heaven. After all, isn’t being saved just about believing God exists and wanting to be a good person and you’re saved? Later I came to discover that it’s not.
While that is PART of it, it’s about giving your entire life to someone God, who is fully worthy of this act. I didn’t do that. I believed in God, but I still wanted my own way. My own will. So I wasn’t saved. As a Christian we have to die to ourselves and become God’s slave. We are His servant.
And He is a GOOD master. He is a glorious king. He never treats us badly. He never hurts us or is mean to us and if He allows something to happen in our life, it’s because He loves us immensely.
His love for us, is the most powerful force on Earth. There is no greater force in the universe than His love for us. His mercy, His kindness, His longsuffering to see us repent when we sin.
Your husband may not be worthy of respect, but God is. Every ounce of God’s being is worthy to be praised and honored.
And you know that, so when you come by a verse like Ephesians 5:33:
“Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (NASB)
You see it say, “the wife MUST see to it that she respects her husband”, it stops you cold in your tracks.
You read that respect your husband Bible verse and you feel like your whole world just caved in. Just a few short words and you’re sitting on the floor, thinking to yourself, “How in the world can I EVER respect my husband?!”
I get it. I know how hard that can be, and yet, if we want to obey God, we MUST.
So what do you do? What do you do when you feel like you absolutely CAN’T respect him?
First…you pray!
Take it to the Lord
First, God LOVES (absolutely ADORES) to hear from us, which seems weird right? You’d be tempted to think He’s high on His throne, has a ton of stuff to do, to hold the whole world together, and yet, He cares about the things that are important to US.
Even the most smallest of details, if it is important to US, it’s important to HIM!!!
And you can see that in your life. Have you ever prayed for something small, so insignificant. Maybe you have someone you work with, a problem with someone being mean to you, maybe you have a fight with a family member and it’s such a small little thing, but you go to God in prayer and He miraculously diffuses the situation and takes care of it.
Maybe someone cheated you out of $20 and you’re like, “Lord, this is WRONG. Please show me what to do. Help me take care of it,” and He does!
He cares about us. He cares about what’s important to us. He loves us SOOOO much!
So ask Him about it. Ask Him what to do. Ask Him to SHOW YOU what to do. How to handle the situation. Ask Him to give you the respect for your husband because here’s the thing…
God won’t ask you something He can’t help you with.
So many times in my life, I’ve felt like the underdog. Like David going against Goliath.
“Start a blog,” God convicted me. My first response was…”What’s a blog?!” haha!
I honestly had no clue. Was there even possible a platform I use to put my writings on to help people?
But things started clicking into place and now I help hundreds of thousands of people each and every month!
All throughout my Christian life, He’s been asking me to do things that seem crazy. They seem “out there”, left field. And sometimes, I don’t understand them. I didn’t understand why He wanted me to blog, but years later, now I see why.
I serve other people I can’t reach in person! I help invest in the lives of women around the globe. He can use me to help others, and to provide for my family (financially) at the same time.
He never asks us to do something that is actually impossible. It may FEEL impossible. It may seem like there’s no way on God’s green Earth you can do this thing, but I promise you, if He’s asked you to do it, He already has a solution to it!
He wants a relationship with us. He desires it greatly and so we need to understand that going to Him in prayer is such a high honor, but it’s also so powerful. God answers every single prayer of a Christian! Maybe His answer is wait. Maybe it’s no. Maybe it’s yes. Maybe it’s maybe. But He answers all our prayers.
Don’t believe me? I dare you to keep a prayer journal. Write down all your prayers for the next year. Cross them off as He answers them. At the end of one year, all your prayers will be crossed off. I’ve done this! I promise, it’s true!!!
Next…
Pray for your husband’s honor
We got through praying for God to show you how to respect your husband, we prayed through for God to HELP YOU respect your husband, after all that, we come to a prayer that is asking God to help your husband be more honorable.
It’s important to pray for the other two ideas FIRST because we simply cannot change anyone. Only God can. And our focus shouldn’t be on changing THEM (or the situation), but changing US.
If your husband is unsaved, here are 30 daily prayers you can pray for him.
If he IS saved, then pray he become a great man of God, the man God wants him to be. Not the man YOU want him to be, but the man GOD wants him to be. Again, this isn’t about us, it’s about God. 🙂
In Proverbs 31, verse 23, it says, “Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.”
This is a really GREAT prayer to pray and meditate on.
He is known at the gates…in that culture, it meant he was high up to the city. He was respected and well-known at the gates. He was a person who was respected. He was part of making decisions for the city and you see that in the story of Ruth and Boaz.
Boaz was well-known at the gates when he went to inquire about Ruth and claim her. He was already known. He was a respected and honorable man amongst the elders at the gates.
You WANT your husband to be well-respected. It shouldn’t be a heart attitude like you just want to change him but more about wanting what’s best for HIM. Being an honorable man is best for him and so prayers that acknowledge that, God’s will, are perfect to pray and it’s what I always pray as well.
After you’ve done all that…
Try your best
Listen, God doesn’t EXPECT PERFECTION!
He doesn’t expect us to BE perfect. He made us, He KNOWS we can’t be perfect. It’s not ABOUT being perfect, it’s about a genuine heart desire to try our best!
If you are honestly and genuinely TRYING to respect your husband, God is pleased with that. He knows our hearts. He knows when we are genuine and when we are not and for the person trying to obey Him, it pleases Him. It’s like a sweet aroma, pleasant to Him. He loves it.
How can you respect your husband when he doesn’t deserve it?
Remember that we don’t deserve anything either. We are all a mess trying to get through life and no one is perfect. Pray for him, pray for God to help you, pray for God to show you what to do, and then try your absolute best. Let God do the rest.
Let God change your heart. Let God change your husband’s heart. But keep praying and doing your best. <3 Slowly and surely, God will work in both of you!
