“How do I tell a girl I’m sorry to make sure she knows I really am? To apologize in a way she understands that I’m sorry. There are male to female differences and I wanna get it right.”
First, SHOULD you even apologize at all?
Some girls use making you feel like you’ve done something wrong as a control mechanism. They manipulate and this is how they get control over you in the relationship.
If she’s making you feel like you did something so wrong and so bad and yet you really didn’t do anything wrong at all, you need to get good at discerning this.
Go to God, let HIM tell you if you’ve done something wrong if you’re unsure about it. Seek His guidance always and ask Him to show you the true situation as it really is and not just how she’s seeing it from her angle.
If you have done something wrong, you’ve messed up, you’ve sinned, and you need to apologize, the best thing to do is to…
Be genuine and sincere.
Everything really comes down to that. If you are completely genuine with her, she will be able to recognize and see that you are sorry. If she’s a godly girl, she will pray about it and ask her Heavenly Father what to do, how to handle the situation, etc. He will show her that you mean it.
If you are genuinely sorry, it will include certain things that she will look for.
- Will you do it again?
- Can she trust you?
- Do you need further restitution?
- How can you fix the problem, not just SAY you’re sorry?
- What can you do to assure her that this won’t happen again? That you’re trying your absolute best to be a godly man?
- Is your greatest desire to not do this again? To change behavior? To stop?
- Have you fully repented to the Lord (He’s ultimately the One we sin against)?
If you are genuinely repentant and sorry, it will show. It may be that she will watch your actions for a brief time to determine if you are genuinely sorry. Just continue to be patient with her and change the behavior. If she sees there is no change in what you’re sorry for, you’re NOT really sorry and she shouldn’t let you off the hook.
Also understand that while we are called as Christians to forgive, that doesn’t mean to be stupid and let someone treat us however they want.
For example, let’s say you are dating a girl and you cheat on her. She should forgive you because we are commanded to. Does that mean she should stay with you? I wouldn’t. If a man cannot control his members during dating, he will not be able to control them during marriage!!
If he cheats while dating or can’t keep his wandering eyes to himself, he will just do it again during marriage. 💯
He’s not the right guy. Choose someone who can control himself. It is not impossible, for I have been without physical intimacy (as a single woman) for many, many years! It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.
And I’m not the only one who hasn’t had sex outside of marriage! I know of a man who is nearly 30 years old (!), a single man, who has never been married. He has had one girlfriend in his life and has not done anything deplorable with her at all, but has had a godly, pure relationship with her. They are no longer together (they dated for around a year, a long time ago) and he remains to be faithful and sexually pure (never doing p*rn either).
Another man I know is in his late 40’s. He’s never had sex outside of marriage and he is in the middle of a divorce. His wife is not saved, she left him and they were married over 20 years. He is not pursuing another woman, nor is he being intimate with anyone else. He is acting in a VERY chaste manner (never does p*rn, etc.)
👉 THAT is the standard!!! 👈
THIS is what God’s will looks like in the heart and life of a believer. It’s not just me. There ARE godly (and pure) men and women out there who desire to be godly, even in secret where no one else can see! 💎
So just because she forgives you, it may be an issue of not letting you do it again to her, and in some cases, you will lose the girl (depending on what you’ve done and how much she’s willing to put up with).
How far did you go with the other girl? If the girl you’re trying to apologize to is a godly girl, she’s smart, she will ask God exactly what you’ve done and He will show her. God doesn’t hide from us. He’s pretty bold and tells us what we need to know to make well-educated decisions.
Did a girl flirt with you and you flirted back? Was it as simple as that or did you make out with the other girl to the point where there was no return, grinding with her? You’re still a virgin, but you released with the girl and were pretty darn close to sex, doing absolutely everything except the actual act of sex?
So it really matters what happened also. All the details of the situation and if she’s godly, believe me, she knows. God will/has showed her. If you were grinding with another girl, you’re done. She will forgive you as is called by the Lord but never, ever let you back in her life and she shouldn’t. There are plenty of godly men out there to choose from for the godly girl and she should find someone who will treat her right. 💯 This is not right; it is disgusting behavior, not befitting of a Christian and there is never an excuse.
Restoration should be made, that is sure, but do not expect to get her back. You are defiled now and she shouldn’t want you if she is godly.
A relationship between a man and a woman is to be beautiful, a shining example of Christ and the church. Not some flesh-driven grinding act you committed with a more than willing girl who’s only trying to take your virginity. She will get it, if you continue on this path and you will never get ANY godly girl in the future. A godly woman wants someone who’s never had sex outside of marriage, period.
The world can do what the world wants to do, but for a godly girl, our standards belong to God and HE says, no sex outside of marriage. That’s the standard. That’s what we do (John 14:15).
It really depends on the situation. Be completely honest, don’t try to hide anything (trust me, she’ll just find out, then you’re toast for lying) and just try to work things out if they can be worked out.
If they can’t, do everything you can to fix the situation and let her go in peace, knowing that God has someone better for her in the future and there is forgiveness for you, but you must change behavior (have you stopped being with the other girl who’s bad?, stopped trying to protect this bad girl and FLEE from her, for example).
If you’re still continuing in bad behavior (even if you already stopped being with the other girl but it’s still public that you’re together, which is defrauding of others, making them think you’re together and you’re not), God will not let it slide and He will punish.
It all comes down to the heart.
You shouldn’t need to be told to stop bad behavior and the second a girl has to tell you, you’re done! You should have already done everything out of a genuinely repentant heart. If you haven’t already, it only proves you’re not really sorry.
Everything is always about the heart. That’s what shows to the girl. That’s what shows to God.
She may forgive you, as is fitting unto the Lord, but you will not get the girl. She’s better than that and deserves better. Her Father wants better for her.
