You really care about him but you’re just not sure if it’s God’s will to continue being in the relationship or not.
It’s always tough knowing if the guy pursuing you is the one you should be with or not. You want to honor God in EVERY area of your life, you want to be with the one HE wants you to be with, and you don’t want to deviate from that plan, make a mistake and ruin your life.
It can be really stressful not knowing if the person you’re with is God’s will for you or not.
Let’s tackle this hard question today: how do I know if God wants me to be with my boyfriend?
How Do I Know If God Wants Me To Be With My Boyfriend?
The Bible is very clear that God wants us to be in relationships. He created us for a relationship with Him and for relationships with others.
The first relationship was between God and angels and then between Adam and God.
Next was between Adam and Eve and it was a perfect relationship. But because of sin, that relationship was broken.
To make sure all your relationships are right, you need to make sure you’re on the right track first. Remember, we can’t change other people but we CAN change ourselves. Making sure WE are right with God and man is the first step…
Prioritize Your Relationship With God
Did you know that how you treat other people is a direct correlation to how you are treating God?! It’s true! If you are running away from someone close to you in your life, you’re running away from God also. If you’re being mean to someone close to you in your life, you’re being mean to God also.
The simple truth is, we treat others like we treat God.
Before you do anything else, you must prioritize your relationship with God. Make sure THAT’S right!
When you’re right with God, you’ll be right with those around you. Likewise, when you’re walking in the Spirit, you will be more likely to make wise decisions in all areas of your life, including relationships.
For me personally, I NEVER make any BIG decisions if I’m walking in the flesh. A lot of times, I won’t even answer any emails for the blog or write blog posts such as this.
Why? Because the words that come out of me might still be spot on when I’m walking in the flesh, but the heart, the undercurrent of my words might be marred by something like anger.
I want to make sure that everything that’s coming out of me is spirit-driven.
So let’s apply that to your relationship. If you want to know if your boyfriend is God’s will, don’t make that decision when you’re walking in the flesh! When you’re walking in the Spirit, you’ll see things so much more clearly and be able to make wiser decisions.
Read God’s Word
There are a few things that we can look at in order to know God’s will for our relationships. The first is God’s Word. The Bible has a lot to say about relationships. For example, it talks about how we are to love others, even our enemies (Matthew 5:44). It also talks about how we are not to commit adultery (Exodus 20:14) and how we are to respect our husband (1 Peter 3:1).
Here are some ways to respect your husband…
- Don’t fight or quarrel with him
- Don’t nag him
- Give him your undivided attention, really listen to what he has to say
- Honor his opinions
- Don’t interrupt him
- Cover his sins (1 Peter 4:8)
- Do him good, not harm (Proverbs 31:12)
- Pray for him (with him and in private)
- Be genuinely thankful for him and all the things he does for you and your family
- Respond to him lovingly when he initiates intimacy (he wants to know you want him)
- Don’t compare him to other men if the other men are better in certain areas
- Don’t complain about him or his flaws (to him or your friends)
- Dress to please him (if you’re dressing nice for church, but not for your husband, there’s something wrong there. That’s not to say you have to wear heels around the house and every wife will have different standards that works best for her, but it’s definitely a matter of the heart to pray about.)
- Take his advice
- Guard his reputation (both publicly and privately amongst friends)
- Follow his lead (LET him lead, ladies!)
Now I know what you’re thinking…”But we’re not married yet.”
The truth is that you don’t want to date around to date around. What are your intentions? What are his? Your intentions as a Christian woman should be to date someone you want to marry, NOT just to “get to know them”.
Here’s why. Whoever is GENUINELY honest when you date?!?!
The honesty comes when you’re friends. So it’s a good idea to be friends FIRST, to really get to know them and connect, THEN if you are wanting to marry them, then date. You should only date someone you want to marry.
So the question, “Should I date my boyfriend?” is a little backwards and that’s what I want you to see. If you’re already dating, your intent should be that you want to marry him. If you’re already dating, it’s okay, but there are a lot of things you want to ask yourself before furthering your relationship.
Things like…
- Does HE respect ME? Does he do those things on the list above?
- Is he saved? Are you sure? Many people errantly believe they are saved and they are not. I was one of them.
- Is he walking in the Spirit? Is he TRYING to obey the Lord as much as he possibly can?
- Does he treat others nicely? If he’s ONLY nice to people he likes, what will happen when you are fighting in marriage and he doesn’t like you. In that moment, he will treat you however he treats those people now!!!
- Is he running to obey God? Putting God first in his life.
- Is he on fire for the Lord? Or is God just a “Sunday” thing.
- Are you on the same page with most things? While you won’t agree on everything, being on the same page with most of your views, values, thoughts, and ideas is important. Otherwise, you’ll just fight all the time, which you don’t want.
- Do you trust him? Trust is a massive part of a good, healthy relationship. You must trust him in order to know if you want to marry him or not.
- Is he pressuring you to have sex outside of marriage? This is sin.
- Does he pursue holiness? A good boyfriend (husband material) will have a strong desire to be more holy, both for God AND for you.
- Does he treat you well with love? Does he treasure you?
- Does he go to church? Is he involved in church? Does he love the church like Jesus did? Ephesians 5:25
- Does he pray for you? A godly man will be praying for you, seeking your highest good and putting your needs first.
- Does he meet your needs? A God-given godly future husband will want to meet your needs. He will care about you and sacrifice for you.
- Does he encourage you to be more godly? He should WANT you to be more godly and encourage you to do so.
- Have you talked about your future? Where do you both see yourself in 3 years? 5 years? Having common goals in life is important. It can literally make or break a relationship.
- Is he faithful to you? Obviously, if he’s flirting with other girls or not being faithful, this is not God’s will for you. You deserve better!
- Does he want to be who the Bible calls a man to be? You want a strong man who is seeking God’s good for your life, but also for his own, lining his life up to be the godly man God calls him to be.
- Does he value family? If he doesn’t care about his own family, how can he care about a future family with you?
- Is he ready for marriage? It’s okay if he’s not, but dating around forever is not a good idea because of the temptation to have sex.
- Does he confront your sin? While it’s usually not pleasant, we are called to GENTLY tell each other their sin in a relationship like this one (Proverbs 27:17), in order to live more godly lives and be sanctified. We all have blind spots of sin that we need to cleanse on a daily basis. A godly boyfriend will be able to share with you what you need to change in order to have a more holy union.
- Does he change that sin? If you confront him on sin (one time; not nagging), does he run to change it? If not, he’s not willing to genuinely be a godly man and it’s hard to be with someone like that, nor is it biblical.
- Does he try to get you to sin with him? If he’s encouraging you to sin, in any way, it’s a red flag that he’s not the one.
- Does he manipulate or control you? If he’s doing those things now, he will do them in marriage also. It is not for a man to control a woman and be a tyrant, but rather it is for a man to help the woman shine (and for the woman to help the man shine).
If he doesn’t do ALL of these things, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean he’s not the one, but you want to be sure you understand the things you want to ask yourself about him to determine if your relationship is heading in the right direction or not.
Pray and Ask God
Another way we can know God’s will for our relationships is by praying and simply asking Him.
How much time are you spending praying and asking God if he’s the right one for you and then being in the Word of God (sermons, reading your Bible, etc.) to hear His answer to you?
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. – James 1:5
We can’t always rely on our own understanding (Isaiah 55:8-9) and so we need to ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). If we don’t know what to do in a situation, we can ask God and He will show us what to do. (Proverbs 3:5-6; Proverbs 37:23).
We should acknowledge him in all of our ways and He will make our paths straight. Asking God for guidance is a key part of knowing His will for our relationships. By prayerfully seeking His wisdom, we can be confident that He will lead us in the right direction.
Prayer is one way that we can communicate with God and ask for His guidance. As we pray, we should be open to whatever God leads us to do, even if it is not what we had originally planned or what we want. God knows best and He wants what’s best for us (Jeremiah 29:11). He sees the WHOLE situation and knows the future, so trusting Him with the decision IS really the best way to go!
Use the Gifts and Talents He’s Given You
Another way we can know God’s will for our relationships is by using the gifts and talents He has given us. We all have been given different gifts and talents by God and He intends for us to use them for His glory.
As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. – 1 Peter 4:10-11
When it comes to your relationship with your boyfriend, maybe one person is good at being a peacemaker or maybe another person is good at giving wise counsel. Whatever gifts or talents God has given you, use them in your relationships to glorify Him. Are you both doing that?
It’s important to grow together in the Lord and it’s also super important to SERVE together FOR the Lord.
If he has no interest in serving the Lord with you, then he’s not really the guy for you. Our lives should be so wrapped up in Christ that they have to go to God to GET to us, as women!!!
You wanna know who my future boyfriend has to ask permission to date me?
GOD!!!
Has your boyfriend asked God to be with you? Whether as a boyfriend or for your hand in marriage? It’s something to talk about, for sure.
So, how can you know God’s will for your relationships? By looking at His Word, by praying and asking Him, and by using the gifts and talents He has given you.
To take it further and see if God wants you to be with your boyfriend, think about the biblical tips above. Then follow these 4 ways to see if you should be with your boyfriend as part of God’s will:
1. Check Your Motives
The first step in discerning God’s will for your relationships is to check your motives. Why do you want to pursue this relationship? Is it because you’re lonely and think this person will fill that void? Or are you truly interested in getting to know them because you see the potential for a godly partnership, one that is honoring and pleasing to the Lord?
If your motives are pure, you’re more likely to be in God’s will. If your motives are selfish (example: thinking what can *I* get out of this relationship?), chances are you’re not doing things His way. It’s important to check your heart motive before pursuing any relationship.
2. Pray For Wisdom
One of the best ways to know God’s will is to ask for wisdom. The Bible tells us that if we lack wisdom, all we need to do is ask God and He will give it to us generously.
When it comes to relationships, there’s no such thing as too much prayer. Ask God to reveal His will for your relationship. If it’s meant to be, He will make it clear. God is NOT silent. He speaks, all the time, loud and clear. Not audibly, but through prayer, through listening to sermons, reading the Bible, and seeking godly counsel…
3. Seek Godly Counsel
Another way to know God’s will is to seek the advice of godly people in your life. These are people who know you well and have your best interests at heart.
If all your friends are telling you he’s not the right one, he’s no good for you, listen! They know better. They can see better than you can because they see the whole picture and aren’t emotionally involved. Trust their opinions!
Talk to your parents, your Pastor, or other trusted mentors and friends about your relationship (though be sure to never gossip. Proverbs 16:28). They can offer guidance and wisdom that you may not have considered.
4. Listen to Your Gut
Sometimes the best way to discern God’s will for your relationship with your boyfriend is to go with your gut. Does this relationship feel right? Do you have a peace about it? Or do you feel anxious and uncertain?
If you’re constantly second-guessing your relationship, it’s probably not in God’s will because your conscience is bothering you about something. But if you feel at peace, that’s a good sign that you’re on the right track. Be open and listening to God continually; He will convict you.
These tips can help you figure out God’s will for your love life and whether or now God wants you to be with your boyfriend. By following His guidance, you can avoid heartache and pain and know that you’re either in the middle of God’s will or not, so that you can take action.
Remember that by being with the wrong person, you’re allowing the RIGHT person to slip through your fingers! Don’t be afraid to break things off if you see they are not going in the direction of godliness! God has something better for you out there!! Be patient and ask God to bring the right relationship to you.
