How to Respect Your Husband

Your husband wakes up early, starts working around the house, doing things that he can do.

He snow shovels the walkway or rakes the leaves, maybe he washes the dishes or takes the trash, or goes to work to provide your family the money. Either way, he’s working hard with a joyful heart.

He comes home for dinner, after working a long, hard day and he’s dad. He plays with the kids, spends time with his family, and goes out and does more work.

He provides for your physical and emotional needs. He’s a good husband and father.

And yet, this man feels unappreciated, like no one cares about him, disrespected, unloved, uncared for, untaken care of. He feels like all you care about is what he does for you, the money he provides you, the “charmed” life you have.

So he goes out and tries to find someone else who will respect him and appreciate him. He helps other people or serves, and THEY appreciate him more than his own family, so he spends more time with them than you.

Why does he feel this way? Why does he feel like he’s nothing in your sight?

The wife is not respecting her husband and neither are the kids. The husband eventually divorces the wife. He’s a believer and she’s not and he leaves.

It’s a sad reality, but one that is very, very common. How do I know? Because it’s one of my friend’s stories. Married 20+ years, down the drain. They divorced last year.

But YOU, you want a different life. You don’t want that to be YOUR story. You want your husband to feel loved, appreciated, respected.

Maybe you forgot and need a good reminder.

Maybe you’re on the verge of divorce yourself.

Maybe you’re newly married and want to prevent this from ever happening.

Maybe you’re not married yet and you want to learn how to respect your husband to live in a godly way. 

Whatever your reason for reading this post is, it’s a GOOD thing you are. It means you care. But respecting your husband can be tough. Men read things so DIFFERENTLY than women do.

Let me help you understand how he’s thinking about things and dive deep into how to respect your husband because I promise you, he’s begging for it, but he’ll never, ever tell you!

How to Respect Your Husband

Respecting your husband comes down to ONE thing…caring about HIM more than yourself.

That’s it!

That’s all you need to know. 💯

Everything is wrapped up there in that one statement.

If you are caring about him more than yourself, you’re going to be considering how HE feels, you’re going to be doing things that please HIM, you’re going to be making sure you teach your kids to respect him, and so on.

It really does come down to that.

Do you love him more than yourself? If you do, it will be the natural outflow of your heart to show him and you wouldn’t be reading this post here right now.

He would already feel loved, treasured, cherished.

Listen, guys pretend to be all tough, right? Super manly.

But EVEN the toughest of guys, you can break through their shell and get them to open up and yes, be raw with you!

That’s the first thing you need to know about men.

No matter how TOUGH they act, it’s a persona. One that the world has taught them to put on. It’s a mask, and who they are at the deepest level (like peeling back onion layers), is who they really are. The person they are when no one else is around.

When you can get your husband to feel comfortable to be himself, in front of you, who he is when no one is around, that last onion layer, you know that you have a deep and meaningful relationship and THAT is what marriage is about.

It’s about being raw with each other, seeing each other’s last, most deepest onion layers (who they are at their very core, at their soul) and still accepting each other for who you are. For caring about the other person. For ALLOWING them to BE who they really are inside…with YOU.

Your guy isn’t opening up to you on that deep level, because you’re not taking the time to let him. You’re not taking the time to cultivate that deep sense of friendship with someone. That’s your fault, not his.

Let him be himself.

Talk to him.

Lay down in the bed with him and intimately talk, for hours on end.

Get to know him.

Ask him, little by little about his life. His dreams, his fears, ask questions. Let him share with you. Let him talk. Let him break down his own walls and barriers, one wall at a time as you make him feel safe and comfortable to do so.

It will take a year or two or three to get to that last onion layer. It takes time to get to know the other person on a deep, personal, intimate level, but you know what, that’s okay!!! You’re in this marriage for the long haul, right?! ❤️

You want to develop that type of meaningful relationship where you truly and genuinely connect with another human being. It is very satisfying to your soul and it’s very helpful and satisfying to theirs as well! 

In order to have that, are you spending enough time with your guy?

Are you genuinely carving out time from your busy on-the-go schedule to make time for him?

Chances are, you’re not. Most women don’t; they just don’t realize it. They think they have a million things to do and it all has to get done or the earth will crumble. 

LET THE EARTH CRUMBLE!!!

I guarantee you, that 95% of what you do each day isn’t going to melt the earth. Yes, there are absolutely some things you need to do. But start letting yourself off the hook, stop taking on the responsibilities of the whole entire world on your shoulders THINKING you have to carry it or everything will collapse. 

Let it collapse. You were not designed to carry it all. 👈

Take care of your family, do the things necessary, but really start to think through your priorities. Is it playing taxi all day long? No. Stop driving your kids to every event known to man because the world tells you you’re not a good mom unless you do. That’s the WORLD. You listen to GOD! Pick one thing they can all do. 

You’re wasting your life on things that are not as important. Your husband is your first priority here on earth after God. You’re ignoring him. He feels ignored!!!

He’s not going to tell you that. But unless you’re actively cultivating a strong, raw (onion layer) relationship with him, he feels worthless as a man. His needs are NOT being met. He is not satisfied and fulfilled. And so, because you don’t invest in him, he doesn’t invest back. He goes off and invests in people who DO appreciate him and you end up with a divorce packet and 5 kids you suddenly have to raise on your own.

I can’t sugar coat this because if I do, and I don’t tell you the TRUTH, the truth that you need to hear, you’re GOING TO END UP DIVORCED!!!

After a while, he WILL leave. 💯

It’s only a matter of time. That may be a few years, it may be decades, but the second he finds someone else who DOES meet his needs, he’s gone. Don’t let him go! Meet his needs as a man- that deep-seeded need every human being has: real, genuine connection.

So, how do you respect him?

1. Treat him better than yourself
2. Truly value him
3. Spend time with him
4. Make HIM a priority in your life (what you spend your time on reveals what is important to you)

Then break those down even more. 

• HOW can you treat him better than yourself? 
• HOW can you show him you genuinely value him?
• HOW can you spend more time with him (real time, not hi-bye)?
• HOW can you make HIM a priority in your life and show him that you do?

That’s something that you really need to sit down and think about for a few days. Answer each of those questions and apply them to your own unique situation. 

Here are some more generic type of ideas that can apply to a lot of people:

• Really listen to what he has to say on a daily basis and then do it. Take what he says seriously. Never blow him or his ideas off.
• Make him feel special – make him a lunch, show up at his work, buy him a cool present for no reason at all, make a date night
• Think about what HE likes and do that. Show him you’re thinking of him.
• When you talk about him to your friends, speak about his good qualities and how happy and blessed you are to have him. Never nitpick about him to your friends.
• Pray for him. Pray that you can be a better wife, that you can support him more, please him more, make him happy more. Pray for his spiritual walk, his fatherhood, pray for everything. 
• Make love to him more. Men read this as love. They want you to want them (desperately, passionately). Remember how it was when you first got married? Do that!
• Find out his love language (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch) and make sure you are showing him love in a way HE understands it.
• Cover his sins (1 Peter 4:8)
• Don’t treat him like you do your children. Condescending to him, backbiting, nagging, it’s all not what he (or anyone) wants to deal with. Don’t do it. Don’t treat him like a baby, treat him like a man.
• Support his goals, dreams, and aspirations in life. Help him achieve them!
• Be polite with him. If he doesn’t take the trash out, seriously, just do it yourself. Don’t complain about it. Just do it. Don’t give it a second thought. It will lead you to bitterness if you do!
• Validate his feelings. Make sure he knows it’s okay to feel that way. That, as believers, we can’t always count on our feelings, but we do have them. God gave us emotions and those emotions aren’t wrong. It’s what we DO with those emotions that can become sin. 
• Show him you appreciate him, all the time, for all that he does for you and your family.
• Continually place value on his perspective. Always try to understand where he’s coming from. You may not agree with it at all times, but you should seek to understand it. Put yourself in his shoes.
• Do him good, not harm (Proverbs 31:12)
• Don’t try to control him. He needs to be able to lead your family and make decisions. Let him lead, ladies!
• Remember the things he likes and what’s important to him. We remember what is important to us and he knows it. If you remember what he tells you, he feels loved, cherished, important. 
• Don’t compare him to other men if the other men are better in certain areas
• Speak gently and kindly. Do not be gruff, tough, or bully him.
• Encourage him. Be his biggest cheerleader. Edify him, love on him, show him you support him.
• Take care of your appearance. If you’re not putting effort into yourself for him, he knows it and feels like he’s not worth your time.
• Honor him and his wishes. This could be like making his birthday a big deal, etc.
• Don’t interrupt him. It’ll make him feel like he’s less than you.
• Let him catch you checking him out across the room. Guys love that! They want you to have eyes only for them.
• Be thankful for him. This goes along with appreciating him.
• Take his advice. It matters.
• Don’t be friends with guys other than your husband. It’s just not appropriate. I was recently convicted how I have guy friends now, while single, and how that may be disrespectful to my future husband when I meet him, so I have closed out completely, all my friendships with guys, so that when I meet my future husband, he will feel honored that I only have eyes for him and there’s no games being played, or no sticky situations he needs to navigate. 
• Make his favorite foods or do his favorite activities with him.
• Spend lots of time together. He wants to go play football, you hate the game, go watch and cheer him on with a loving, genuine heart. The marriage isn’t all about you. Encourage his hobbies too.
• Protect his name. Someone misalign him? Set the record straight!
• Forgive him constantly. In a good marriage, forgiveness is key!
• Admire him. Truly think good thoughts about him and how much you admire and care about all he’s doing. Respect him.
• Give him your undivided attention. This means eye contact burning a hole through his retina! 😆
• Be touchy-feely. Give him a backrub, rub his neck, show him you love him, you care about his pleasure. 
• Be there for him when he needs you, 100% of the time! Stop what you’re doing if you have to, be there for him.
• Do not belittle him, whether in private or in public.
• Don’t talk about major issues when he’s tired, hungry, or severely distracted.
• Say his name. Men love hearing you say their name! It’s personal, it’s unique to them. They love hearing how YOUR voice sounds saying THEIR name. 
• Build him up. Do things and say things that build him up as a man, not tear him down.
• Provide him with a calm, peaceful home environment, one in which he can truly get rest in, not one that is chaotic or like a train station all the time.
• Try to help him do things. If something breaks, YOU fix it. If you can’t fix it, have him do it. This is you being a help-meet. 😊
• Always kiss him and wrap your arms around him when you see him like you did when you dated! Make him know you want him.
• Talk about how much you like his muscles, no matter how puny they are! Honestly, even if a guy has no muscles at all, it’s STILL pretty impressive because they are MUCH stronger than us!! 💯
• Don’t compete with him. Let him win. You can win too. In different areas, in different times, but don’t compete. You’re on the same team! When your husband does win at something (say a board game), be a gracious loser.
• Teach your children to respect him too. They model your behavior so if you respect him, they will naturally gravitate toward respecting him too, but if they don’t, make sure they do.