Maybe your husband is in the military or maybe he travels for his job.
Maybe you are separated and you’re feeling the sting of it.
Maybe he has a job and goes to work all day and when he comes home, he’s exhausted and you are like a kid in a candy store, just wanting to hug him and hold him and be with him.
You want so desperately to spend time with him, but life.
Responsibilities. Finances. Kids. There’s so many things that pull you away from him and it hurts you. You feel alone and all you want to do is hold him for several hours until that pain of being alone goes away.
Just laying there in bed, talking to him, investing in him, getting to know him more and more each day, falling in love with him more as each day passes.
I get it!
My ex-husband used to travel for work and would be gone for weeks and weeks at a time. It really stunk and I begged him to give it all up (I never wanted him to take that job in the first place), but he cared more about money than anything and so he continued.
When he WAS home, he was never a cuddly type of guy. Our marriage was more like two ships passing in the night. Roommates at best.
It was hard to deal with. Life is so DIFFERENT being on your own than being married and having someone. Everything is different and it can get lonely BUT….it IS doable and you can get through it!
The first thing you need is God. You need God with you every second of every day. Your hope, your foundation, your anchor in life, in your soul, must absolutely be rooted FIRST in Christ (John 15:5). We need to find our identity, our hope, and our joy in GOD and God alone, not in man, because then we know we are NEVER truly alone! ❤️
God is close to the lonely and broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18). He will be your bridegroom and He will give you comfort (Isaiah 41:10).
So, let’s start there!!! Here’s what to do when your husband is never home and you feel alone.
My Husband Is Never Home, I Feel So Alone
At first, you notice the empty side of the bed. You noticed the one cup on the counter instead of two cups. His toothbrush is gone.
Those things can hit you fast and all at once. You’re not sure how to process it.
You can still smell his body wash in the shower lingering in the air. You might even use it from time to time just to feel closer to him.
Your pillow no longer helps you and you trade it for his pillow. Which, coupled with his scent, puts you right to sleep and eases just a little bit of that ache inside you. 🥰
But the more time progresses, the more that ache grows into almost a tangible thing.
Maybe you’re not completely alone at home; maybe you have kids there too. Animals. Pets.
But when your husband is never home, it’s you who would run things and makes sure life goes on now. All the sudden you have more responsibilities. Things that he used to do and take care of, now suddenly are on your plate so you start to run faster to keep up. Maybe even busying yourself so you forget that he’s gone. It can be overwhelming.
And yes, it can be tough when you’re crumbling inside as you’re washing the dishes, folding clothes, and in charge of the entire home, family, and all of life. Trying to put on this facade for your kids or anyone else living in the home that things are okay. You don’t want you kids to see you breakdown. You don’t want to upset THEM.
You might even get aggravated with yourself for feeling this way. Then that turns to anger – at yourself or even at your husband for being gone.
That pain, that heartache is something I never want to deal with again, so I’ve taken steps to prevent it, should the Lord bring me a husband one day (I pray He does!) ❤️ And there are steps you can take to take care of that feeling as well!
First, you must…
1. Turn to Christ
God is ALWAYS the answer, for everything, in all of life. He’s never the wrong or inapplicable answer. It’s always Him. First in that He comforts you, puts you back together when you are completely broken (Psalm 34:18), and showers you with LOVE and adoration. Man, He REALLY loves you!!!!! 💯 He’s always there for you, in the good and in the bad.
Sometimes, when we are struggling with stuff in life, our friends will start to leave, they run for the hills, or start to back off in our friendship with them. Isn’t it great that God NEVER does that?! He never leaves us! He cares about us in such a deep, rich way. He understands what we are going through!
He felt the sting of pain as Judas, one of His one disciples, betrayed Him. Sold him for money (Matthew 26:14-16). How hurtful it must have been to our Lord, and yet He endured it, and more. Peter denied ever knowing Him (Matthew 26:69-75). The disciples scattered. He alone went to the cross.
He knows your pain. He understands. Fully and completely.
Drink Living Water.
Spend a lot more time with Him.
Invest in your relationship with Christ.
Love Him and pray (James 5:16).
Pray if God can allow your husband to be home with you. It may be that in your situation (in some cases), God can provide a job for your husband to be closer to home. If he’s not in the military or something like that, God can get your husband closer to home if that’s what He wills. Pray about it. Tell God how it’s utterly destroying you and you’re hurting so badly and you just want to be with your husband. Talk to Him, He understands your heart. ❤️
2. Set up a system so he doesn’t have to work outside the home
Maybe you can get a side job. Maybe you can make income on the side, as a Proverbs 31 wife, so that he can be home more? Pray about it. Pray for opportunities, pray for God to lead you. You may think making money from home is difficult, but it’s really not. It’s something I’ve been doing for decades now (I started making money online when I was a teenager!) There’s PLENTY of opportunity everywhere. You just have to find what you’re good at and what you enjoy!
Personally, I never want my future husband to work outside of the home. I want our relationship to be such an important part of our life. I’ve literally flipped my whole life upside down in order that I can BE with my husband when I meet him.
That meant, closing out a lot of unnecessary tasks. Getting REAL good at time management so that every second is productive and I’ll have tons of time to lavish on him.
It meant spending wisely, living beneath my means, and creating a savings account so that I can be prepared for the future. It means earning money on autopilot so that I’m not strapped to my computer and I CAN spend time with my husband.
It meant setting up strategic systems online so that he can come into the business and work it too and earn money.
Maybe he can write blog posts, such as these, maybe Bible commentaries, maybe he can help with the back end of things, answer emails, etc. Whatever HIS unique God-given skills and talents are, we can plug those into an already-created system, that makes us money so that we can spend our time together and still work peacefully in the projects (this blog) that God wants us to do.
I don’t want my future husband to have to work outside the home. I don’t want him to have to deal with that massive financial burden. I want our bills to be covered, doing exactly what God has called us to do. He can earn more Heaven rewards by serving others and not be a slave to a job BECAUSE I’ve spent so much time setting up the blog to be able to sustain us comfortably.
Right off the bat, I want to be the perfect wife to him, helping him, loving on him, treasuring him, cherishing him, and being able to spend all day with him. I’ve worked REALLY hard to prepare, in all ways, to be the standard of the Proverbs 31 woman, even while single, in order that when I DO meet someone, I can be ready to go!
If you’re married, you can prepare now as well. Figure out some ways that your husband can be home with you more. It may take some creative thinking, but if it’s truly important to you (like it is me), you’ll make it happen. You won’t stop until you do. 🥰
Here’s a couple posts that God can use to help lead you in the right direction:
You can make money online, you can sell things, start a blog, a printables shop, start a photography business (whatever your skills are, utilize them). There’s a lot you can do to make money to help him work less!
Another really great way to help him spend more time with you by working less is to learn how to be really good at saving money. And I’m not talking saving money on what you already purchase. I’m talking, never paying for anything (!!) and still having the good things in life.
There are ways to get just about everything you buy for free. I know, because I do it. I’ve worked really hard to do it.
I get all my essential oils for free, which helps with healthcare.
I get my groceries nearly free.
I do not pay for household products at all.
I do not pay for cable or satellite TV.
And most of the other things I need, I get free in free groups in my area, which you can too! In fact, when I lived in Idaho, I started my own Christian free group and it was wildly successful and I never paid for anything between that, free yard sale leftovers, and the free trash or treasure day there in my local city.
If you have kids, you can get your kids clothes free with this system I did all their lives.
I got REAL good at getting the things I wanted to buy for free, so that the money I DO earn, can go to bills and my savings account (helping my future husband stay home with me).
In fact, I got SO good at it, that I started saving things aside for my future husband. I saved 12 storage totes full of good brand men’s clothing (think: Hurley brand) in all sizes (because I don’t know what size he will wear), to prepare for marriage. I scored an amazing deal on a wedding dress to prepare and a lot of the wedding items we’d need (ring bearer pillow, cards box, etc). I got an entire wardrobe for myself when I lost some weight last year for free, so my future husband wouldn’t have to pay for me to have clothes to wear, I’m fully stocked.
But when I moved from Idaho to Oregon (where I’m at currently), I had to leave a lot of that stuff behind (I brought my clothes!) 😆 I used vacuum space-saving bags to fit all my clothes! And right now, I have to live “light” because I’m praying about moving over to Ohio this summer (2025), where Alistair Begg’s church is (Lord willing). Be sure to watch their live stream every Sunday (it’s only available for 24 hours each week). It’s so good; I never miss it (here’s today’s). ❤️
That whole area over on that side of the USA has a lot of great churches in many states over there and where I’m at, there’s not a whole lot of options. So I’m hoping to move over in that area of the USA somewhere, wherever God wants me. 🙏 I’m so desperate to be a part of a godly church. 🥰 Definitely pray for me that if it’s God’s will, He help me to find a nice, safe place to rent over there.
And while I had to leave a lot of those things behind that I had prepared for a future husband, it’s okay, because I know I can just gather them up again! No problem! And you can too! Those links above will teach you how to live on so little!
My biggest advice is just to start on one thing at a time. Look at what you spend the most money on each month and figure out how you can get it free. When you do, start working on the next thing, and the next. Pretty soon, everything you currently pay for, you won’t have to!!!
The more you’re able to save money and then make money on autopilot, the more time you’ll be able to spend with your husband and the more freedom you’ll have in your life! ❤️
It doesn’t happen overnight. It can take years of planning and working on it, but if you start now, things will be better later on and you can spend your days free and happy with your soulmate!
2. Get more involved with others
While you’re working on ways to get your husband home, go to church more, get your kids more involved in church, join a Bible study, go on Wednesday night services, serve in VBS, nursery, or in Sunday School at church. Get more involved!
Some church groups can be for women or for moms, but then there are other church groups for things like sewing classes or painting class. You might also find groups or committees in charge of certain things, like the upcoming donations auction, putting on the spring play, or hosting a church yard sale (those are SUPER fun to be involved in!)
Maybe you can start up a food pantry at your church or maybe you can collect things to help those in need. Things like food, pantry staples, clothing, furniture, etc.
There’s so many ways to serve and be involved and as you serve, it lights up your heart and brings you joy!! 🎉
And, of course, there are more groups around you than in your church. Look for things in your local area. Check out Facebook and see what groups they have for your subdivision too. More recently, more subdivisions are doing that and you can get more involved with your neighbors and they have a lot of outings and fun stuff going on!
Call up a friend or family member and ask them if there are any groups they know of or are a part of that you can check out too (and invest in those friendships more!)
Check your local chamber of commerce or conventions and visitor’s bureau to see some of the happenings going on in your town. Facebook Events usually show tons of things going on locally, so check those out as well and see if you can join any groups that peak your interest.
Maybe you like to sew, so you find a sewing club. Or you like to read, so you join a book club. Whatever it may be, join a group that have people with similar passions as you and are Christ-like.
Another great option if you homeschool is to join a local co-op. You can usually find Facebook groups that are for local homeschooling moms too that have monthly meetings and get-togethers for your kids.
3. Pick up a new hobby or learn a new skill
I have a long list of things I want to learn, whether it be a new skill or just simply knowledge. You can always find me learning something because I LOVE to learn! I’m obsessed with learning!!! I encourage you to do the same!
Dust off your long-lost piano and start playing it again. Get a piano teacher to start teaching you the harder chords. Or, if you’ve never played before but always wanted to, this is the perfect opportunity.
I mentioned sewing or reading. If sewing or crocheting is something you always wanted to do but never did, you can pick these up. And you don’t have to go out to meet them, there are online courses and videos you can do to learn how to do these things.
In fact, you can learn just about anything online these days!
One of my ALL-TIME FAVORITE hobbies is to create printables! I love to listen to sermons while I create them (killing three birds with one stone: filling my soul with Living Water, serving others, and creating an income stream). You can learn how to create them yourself, which is what I did. 😊
4. Give to the needy
It is always a good thing to give to the needy. A benefit of giving to the needy is not only that you’ll be helping someone that needs it, but it’s also because it’s just simply a good thing to do if we are doing it with the right servant’s heart and love for Christ.
God calls us to help the less fortunate than we are. He wants us to serve others and spread the gospel.
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed. – Proverbs 19:17
I’m sure you can discover different organizations, either locally or online, that you can join to help the needy around you. For example, there are Meals On Wheels, Habitat for Humanity, local homeless shelters, local soup kitchens, organizations for the youth nearby, and I’m sure they’ll find plenty of others like these in your area.
There are opportunities online too.
I have an open call for a volunteer position and the application is here (it’s always open). This blog is a ministry and I need help serving the world for Christ. I’d love to have your help in whatever way you can serve. Maybe you’re a great writer. Maybe you’re a proofer. Just lemme know what kind of gifts you have and where you want to serve in the application.
When you serve or help the less fortunate, it gives you a sort of uplifting pat on the back because you know what you’re doing is good and you know that God is proud of you for it. This simply helps you feel good inside, like you are needed, like what you do matters. What you do will matters so much to them, in ways you’ll never know!
To add to this, you can get your kids involved in it as well. Teach them the values and morals of going out of your way to help the needy. Teach them these special types of characteristics that will only serve to help instill values that they can carry with them all the days of their life. There’s something about giving to the needy that can teach you valuable lessons that you can’t get anywhere else.
When you give to those less fortunate, God blesses you from it. You will start to feel less alone and do more positive things with your time.
Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor. – Proverbs 22:9
All this is great, but it is all useless if you aren’t praying as you go. Whether your husband has to be away from home for work or whether he simply leaves all the time, you must pray about your situation and give it to God. You feel lonely right now, yes, but know that you are not alone and you can spend useful time doing things that matter (in life and to get him home).
One more thing to consider…when your husband IS home, do you treasure those moments? Are you serving him, loving on him, showing him that you WANT him around, that you respect and adore him, lavishing your love on him? Or are you so angry at him, you’re treating him like trash as a way of “punishing him” for not being around?
We must be very careful as to the clues we are sending our husbands because they can oftentimes, read us like a book.
They know when we’re mad or holding onto bitterness, anger, or hurt. They know when we don’t want them around or are just going through the motions. So be sure we all are always treating our husbands well when they are home because they don’t have to be!
A husband doesn’t HAVE TO stay. He’s not forced. He can leave at any time he decides to. Make him feel treasured when he’s there. Love on him and make him feel special. Go out of your way to really treat him well and be kind to him. Don’t hold in any resentment, but forgive him for anything he’s done, through the power of Christ. Life’s way too short to hold onto any unforgiveness in your heart! 💯
