So many of you know me now. And things look great. I made $75k last month. Doing pretty dang good for a single girl. I have a lot. I have my faith. My friends, family, a home, no debt.
But there’s one thing you might NOT know about me.
Several years ago, I was homeless, standing before a judge telling him the reason I wanted the restraining order against my now-ex-husband was because of domestic violence.
I felt like, I had nothing. I had a bed to sleep in, in the homeless crisis center, but it wasn’t mine. It was a bunk bed, so every time I got out of bed, of course, I hit my head hard on the bed above me.
It’s different sleeping in a different bed….and to be doing that all the time. To not have a place to call your own, it’s tough.
It’s Really Hard to Share This
There’s so many changes you have to go through and if you are in a similar situation of financial despair, you must feel like you’re in a tornado whirlwind. Everything’s spinning.
I know that it seems really difficult right now. I know you must feel like it’s the worst time of your life and I felt like that too when I was homeless. So, I can relate in a lot of ways, but I also want to tell you, that if given the choice to do that all over again or not, I WOULD actually chose it again, yes.
Yes, it was awful; the worst time of my life. But, I think that I learned SO much from it. I learned how to save money, which became the base of my blog! A foundation God laid when I didn’t even know it. But most of all, having that story of being homeless, makes me that much more able to relate to other people in their time of need.
For example, right now….YOU. My friend, I love you so much and I know how tough this is for you BECAUSE I’ve been there. And doesn’t it bring you comfort, even a little bit, knowing that someone else has been where you are now? And look, I made it! I was there, homeless. Now, I am where I am because of the grace of God. Because of where I was, and where I am now, I can give people HOPE. Other people, even you, who are going through such a horrible time, because you know you’re not alone.
When I was homeless, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to die so bad. I prayed God would take my life.
Then I got my first apartment. I had no couch, no silverware, not even soap. Just the clothes on me and my kids’ backs and a few other things. I had nothing to fill the empty apartment…and I continued to pray God would take my life. But He didn’t. I wanted to die so bad. I wanted it all to end, all the pain I had inside, but, He had a different plan for me.
I had no income at all, and rent due and bills due in a month. I started selling stuff, yard sale leftovers. and slowly, I made a home. I remember going to the dumpster, where people would put broken or unwanted furniture, sometimes it was good stuff and they’d put it next to the dumpster and I’d go every day, twice a day to check and grab the furniture. I needed it. I used an end table as a TV stand….
That is my son; just a little baby at the time. The TV I got as a free yard sale leftover, that TV stand is the end table I got by the garbage dumpster.
A recliner was my couch. I made due. I was super poor, but I was with my kids. Barely scraping by, but not on welfare. Their toys were things like cardboard boxes (obviously we never closed him in there as that’s not safe).
Everything we had was yard sale leftovers.
From the cookie cutters, to the chefs aprons, to the jars in the background, even the phone.
I remember, someone gave me a bottle of Tide laundry soap, a friend, and I cried…balled like a baby. Because it was so special to me. I didn’t have money for soap and that’s not something you find at a yard sale leftover.
The items that I couldn’t use for myself, to build a home, that I had gotten from yard sale leftovers, the good stuff I’d resell. With the money I made, I bought the things I needed that I couldn’t find free. A couch. A dining room table (I paid $60 for that table and it was the most expensive thing I bought).
We prayed and prayed and prayed….a LOT (!!!) to make it through the trial.
And as bad as it was, as difficult as it was, there was hope. I realized that I was NOT saved. That my whole life I THOUGHT I was, but wasn’t. And, for the first REAL time ever, gave my life to Christ.
God used that experience to get me to come to Him. REALLY come to Him. I think when you ARE at your deepest place, you turn to God and you find Him more. You seek Him more. Because you can’t make it one second without Him.
He used it to help YOU and SO many others.
He used it to teach me to rely on Him and to be content in ALL circumstances, because if you can’t be happy in your misery, trust me, when things DO get better, and they will, you won’t be happy then either!
And look at me NOW!!!! I lost a lot of weight. 65 pounds. I started taking my health seriously, created a Medical Binder, which you guys absolutely LOVE.
I’m still not where I want to be in my health. I have a lot more to do, but sometimes, the biggest, most massive changes aren’t drastic. They don’t come drastically. They are built on year after year, over time.
A few months ago, I started exercising regularly. A couple weeks ago, I began drinking plain water, something I’ve never been able to do in the past. I also added in more fruits and vegetables to my diet. I’m not there yet, but it’s about taking one step at a time, one day at a time and growing, getting better day by day.
So many GOOD THINGS came out of all that.
And slowly each day, things DID get better.
That’s who I was. That was my life. I had absolutely nothing and I gave my life to God and…I still had nothing. 🙂 But then, I had everything, BECAUSE I had GOD!
I share this story with you, because I KNOW what it’s like…to have NOTHING. And I’m really sorry you are going through this and it really sucks right now. But my journey, I wouldn’t change it. Because I get to share that story with amazing women like YOU to give YOU hope. To inspire you, to press on, just a little bit longer. Just a little tiny bit longer.
You see that bowl we are making cookies in…in the picture above?
I still have that bowl to this very day! Years later.
In fact, during that time in my life, a friend of mine gave me the soup ladle pictured above. Every time I use those items, to this day, it reminds me where I came from and just how FAR I HAVE come!
I don’t have to have the best of stuff. I am good with what I have. God is so good to us. To all of us. If I can make it through all that, with no family help at all, I know you can make it through. You have family. You may even have a husband who loves you so much. Yes, it’s so stressful and I’m sure you are so tired, but you can make it through. I promise. Just think about ONE day at a time. Tell yourself over and over Matthew 6:34, as I did back then. Just focus on one day at a time.
For anxiety, focus on Philippians 4:8…always think about the good. Focus on the good. What will your life be like AFTER this difficult season is over? Keep a thankful journal. Write down 5 things you are thankful for each day. I think we all are so quick to throw our prayers at God. “Gimme, gimme, gimme, me, me, me,” we say, but we have to force ourselves to take time to be thankful too.
Like Paul says, I am content in ANY situation. ANY circumstance and we can be too. I was happy in that apartment making cookies with my daughter. Teaching my son how to walk. I am happy now too with more.
Be of good cheer. You’re almost done. You’re almost there. You can do this. I promise you. I pray for you a lot. I pray for all my readers so very often. You are loved. You are valued. You WILL get through this. Do WHATEVER it takes to keep yourself inspired. To inspire MYSELF when I get depressed, I created The Hope Binder.
Each day you’ll walk through this Christian devotional that tells you more about my story and will encourage your faith and hope during the good AND the bad times. It’s been a project 3 1/2 years in the making and I really hope you’ll check it out.
Right now, you NEED to be encouraged. You NEED to be kept motivated in order that you continue on in life and don’t give up. This is just the thing to do that!
