“What a loser I am!!!” I thought.
I’ve spent an entire month thinking of things I can do on my next BIG project. Thinking of creative ways to do things. Thinking of how I can show people that it’s worth it. Because if I can’t convince anyone that it’s worth it, then they won’t purchase and it can’t transform their life, and that is my main goal…to transform lives.
All these ideas in my head that I thought were creative and GOOD. And one day this week, I happened over to another site to leave a comment on her blog and I see the EXACT SAME things I was JUST thinking about. Except that HER graphics are seriously awesome and she has a panel of world famous people supporting her. Her whole approach is brilliant…it’s my approach (I THOUGHT), but WAY, WAAAAAY better!
Seeing all of those things, I sigh to myself. I feel like I want to physically hit myself. “I’m such a loser. I’m so stupid,” I say. “Why do I get over a million in traffic a month? Why do people even follow me…when they have HER. I’m just fooling myself thinking I’m good at what I do. Instead, everyone’s just laughing behind my back, calling me a loser too. I’ll never be that good. I’ll never even be close.” And not that I want to. I have my own path, but seeing all her cool stuff, and seeing how lame I AM, makes me feel so bad.
Why am I sharing this with you? Is it to make you feel sorry for me?
No!
The reason I share is because I want you to know that it doesn’t matter HOW successful you get, you’ll always doubt yourself.
You’ll always feel inferior. You’ll always feel like you don’t measure up to someone else. And it’s not just the “good” blogs either. Sometimes I’ll be on a site that is getting 10,000 in traffic per month and I’ll be like, WOAH! Seriously, how is this awesome blog not getting more traffic. It’s so cool.
For the most part, this is why I’ve had to stop visiting other blogs. When I do, I get inside my own head and I make myself feel bad. Instead of feeling HAPPY for them, to be honest, I’m jealous. Then, I feel EVEN WORSE because I’m jealous and I know I shouldn’t! Does the madness ever end?????
Have you ever felt like that?
Have you ever compared yourself to someone and have become jealous and feeling like you are a loser?
I think if we were all in a room and I asked you to raise your hand, every single one of us would have to raise our hands. At SOME point in our life, we’ve compared ourselves to someone else and felt inferior.
What do you do when you feel like that?
For me, I immediately pray. “Lord, please help me. I’m in a downward spiral of comparison, jealousy, and discontentment with the path you’ve put ME on. Please change my heart, my attitude, and make me more appreciative of WHEREVER you are taking me, whether high or low, I want to be content. I’m sorry for comparing myself to others, Lord. Please forgive me.”
I think that a lot of it comes down to being willing to accept wherever God wants us to be, and for each person, that will be different.
For me, it means at the place I am at. For you, it is the place YOU are at. For the girl I compared myself, it’s the place she’s at. I can’t focus on what others have or don’t have. I have to focus on God’s unique path for ME.
It’s about accepting whatever path God wants me to be on. I am His. My life is His. He can take me somewhere or not. It’s His choice. And the truth is, that while I do feel like a loser sometimes and not good enough, deep down I really do not WANT to be more than I am. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want the status. When I’m honest with myself, I don’t really want what she has.
Why?
Because I know there’s a WHOLE LOT more responsibility where she’s at than where I’m at. She can’t walk in the store without people recognizing her. I shop the store in my yoga pants. LOL. I LIKE being able to do that. I like my life, I’m incredibly blessed and SO. ARE. YOU!
We all have so much more than we realize.
This week, I’m praying for all those of you who feel like a loser, like I do sometimes. For all of you out there who don’t feel good enough. I get it. At some point in our life, we all feel like that. It’s okay. Just don’t stay there. Use that frustration for good…to make yourself better, to fight harder for your dreams and your goals, to be a better YOU.
You are the only one who will ever go after your dreams. If you don’t, no one will.
Please know that if you are feeling frustrated, there’s someone out there praying for you and there’s someone up there, thinking He made you just the way He wants you to be.
He sees the whole picture. He knows exactly where He’s taking you, even if you can’t see it all yourself just yet.
